I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
