She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
