Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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