Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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