Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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