we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
