Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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