I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
