God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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