Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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