i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
