He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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