You just made me feel so damn special
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
