i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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