Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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