the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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