I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
