and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
