Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
