i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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