You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
