I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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