i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
