he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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