I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
