brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
