FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
