I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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