can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
