When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
