I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize