I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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