i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
