Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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