its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
FUCK WHALES
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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