a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
