if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
