and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
