I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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