dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
