I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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