I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
