he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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