I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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