SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
