I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize