It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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