I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
