The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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