I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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