when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
