Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
