New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
