the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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