I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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