I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
