Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
