He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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