im six kinds of drunk right now
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
