all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
