Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
