your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
